Well, here goes - a list of musical questions that have been left unanswered for far too long. More mysterious than ? and the Mysterians, I will attempt to answer these these timeless queries with my best smartass answers. Feel free to chime in with your own solutions below.
Before we get started, anybody else bored senseless today? lol
1. The Pixies ask, "Where is my mind?"
So, not an easy question... maybe check in with Terence Stamp and MindHead... he can point you on the right track. Hell, you might run into Eddie Murphy along the way.
2. Patti Page wants to know, "How much IS that doggie in the window?"
Ms. Page poses her popular question dressed to please the pooch (whatever that means) in a quaint little pet emporium reminiscent of exactly nowhere in the world. I'm afraid if Patti really wants the information, thatPatti is her own worst enemy. Perhaps if she would've stopped singing for a moment before running out of the shop, maybe the shop owner could have passed her the price.
Sheesh! Well since Ms. Patti is perpetually petulant, I suppose I can propose a proper puppy price instead... I believe this dog cost exactly $3000. A bit pricey, but it fits in an overhead compartment. So, there's that... (read more about this weird bag)
3. Dionne Warwick was wondering, "Do you know the way to San Jose?"
This one is a trick question, you see... it really depends on where you're coming from. I know sweet Dionne is not always coming from anywhere I recognize, so I'll just answer based on my own location. The best way to get to San Jose from Houston, Texas is as follows: 1) get in car and drive to airport 2) fly to San Jose 3) done! See how easy it is, Dionne? And I might add that when I travel, I insist on looking fabulous, but, hey, that's just me...
4. Camper Van Beethoven is still in the dark asking "Where the Hell is Bill?"
Camper Van Beethoven was one of those bands that had a different lineup every time they made an appearance - according to wikipedia there have been a total of 19 different band members, it's no wonder they lost track of Bill! Suppose he's the long lost unaccounted-for band member accidently left behind on a trippy bus tour back in the day - abandoned at a backwoods rest stop with no memory of his punk-folk glory days.
Bill could've gone just about anywhere in the past twenty years, so I've rounded up some suspects. Camper Van Beethoven - if you're reading this - take a look at the lineup - any of them YOUR Bill? No? My money's on Macy...
5. The Monotones ponder, "Who wrote the Book of Love?"
Don't worry guys, nobody thinks you did it. Sheesh, paranoid much?
This one is actually kind of easy.. although, I'm not sure how those clairvoyant crooners knew way back in 1957 that we would be blessed with the cinematic classic "Book of Love" in 1990 starring Chris Young and Josie Bissett. According to imdb.com it was written by that old household name William Kotzwinkle. Now you know.
6. BONUS QUESTION: The Beatles inquire, "Why don't we do it in the road?"
Duh, Beatles, you'll get run over.